I think that your version has too much text, and is too bulky and large (it'd get annoying), but that's all visual, and I would assume you would only have it monitor the CC that a comm is in. When there's no comm, it tells you that.
As for the Hive levels, I like that. I think that a text percentage could be nicely overlayed on the hive image in the hud. 7000/7000 isn't necessary, just a percentage.
Of course I also think that the entire upper marine HUD should be redesigned.
Storyline-wise, it would make sense that marines would have number info on their hud, they have communication and technology. The aliens, however, work more on the basis of feel. They feel that the hive is being hurt, that the hive is low, etc. So it would make sense that they wouldn't see an exact percent.