GOD I CAN'T STAND THIS!Every :Ding where I go some asshole's getting a japanese sign tattooed to their groin, someone's got 15 japanese keychains on their backpack, or they're loaded up with J-pop and crappy Japanese food. For crap's sake you can't even be a computer geek without having 99% of everyone shoving some ^^ty rediculously misproportioned drawing of what would barely pass for a human down your throat, or 'massive robot beating ass and defying physics' up your ass, and in the middle they meet, form a little ball of hate that kills part of me inside.
Okay Japanese music? Seriously, get over it. First of all, you don't have a :Ding clue as to what they're saying. Now really, that's like going to Hitler's speeches just because you like German. Now some chick with a squeaky high voice repeatedly singing 'Kum see laaa we tai' into a mic over and over is just :Ding annoying, I'd rather take a 500 volt power drill and perform ocular surgery on myself.
Then there's the 'music' part of it. It's like something out of the 80's. And no one likes the 80's. Not even hippies (it was the end of their reign of terror) like the 80's. So anyway, you have this quasi-techno-new wave... NOISE that's flooding your ears, while some girl that, for all I know, is wailing about how America sucks big fat donkey cock. Look if you can't do it in English, go back to Swaziland, or Tanzania, or wherever the hell you come from.
So what else, you like Japanese anime/manga/hentai? Okay really now, this is like the communist cancerous blob of evil that's consuming geeks' brains. First of all, you seen those little 'alien' heads that were popular for a while?
Look at this.
IT'S NOT EVEN A :DING HUMAN.
Really, what the HELL IS IT. It's like something that crawled out of Chernobyl, for the love of god, some freakish fish-human-walking-asshole hybrid.
Okay so let's ignore the fact that it looks like an artistic joke. What's it about? I'm not going to say that every anime completely sucks, yes, I have been forced to see some that weren't that bad. But you know, really, enough of them are that I can say that all anime completely sucks.
First we have the big robots. Apparently Japenese men are REALLY trying to compensate for something here. Every single robot anime has to have some massive, physic's defying, invincible killing machine that's armed with the impressive arsenal of melee weapons. Okay, Japan? Listen up. There's a REALLY :DING GOOD REASON that the UNITED STATES designs tanks, bombers, and military weapons. It's because every one of you is :Ding nuts. Honestly, if I had some invincibly strong metal, would I build a horribly complex and rediculous inefficient robot that uses... FISTS, SWORDS, AND SHIELDS? Hell no! I'd load it into a magnetic accelerator and punch a hole through a planet, that's what I'd do!
And of course, every robot anime has to have N'Sync piloting them, boys that you would barely guess are out of puberty from their rediculously high voices and lack of physical attraction for what is always the strangely and unrealistically attractive, skimpy clothed slut that is piloting another one of the robots. Okay, first of all, never in history has there been a 'natural ace', some dip^^ loudmouthed kid who magically has a special knack for piloting, and without any training, kicks everyone's asses despite the fact he can't even order a beer in Singapore. And naturally, every guy in these shows is bisexual, as they always have these concerns about 'feelings' in the middle of a fight. "Wow I lopped of his head! I wonder what Akuma will think of me now..."
Finally... Robots? Really, robots were out of style like a decade ago, along with the Power Rangers.
So what other anime's do you have? Hmm you have the 'old Japan' animes. I really haven't watched many of these. I really don't NEED to. I can tell you how the entire season will play out, and how the plot will go. Guy gets rediculously oversized sword. Kills people while jumping higher then you could on Pluto and flying through the air while screaming. Screaming a lot. He also has to have hair that's not only colored what NO NATURAL JAPANESE HAIR COLOR IS, but is so damn rediculous, he probably has to run from jealous 80's hair bands. Next, he has to have some UNNATURAL SHADE OF SKIN. Okay, what do you call a human, with slanty eyes, darkish skin, jet black hair. An asian. What do you call a human with round eyes, blonde / red hair, and white skin. A CAUCASION. LOOK YOU TALENTLESS HACK, YOU'RE JAPANESE, STOP INSULTING MY RACE WITH THIS RUBBISH. Also make sure he screams a lot. Really, you can watch an episode of TLC and see a woman give birth to quintuplets simultaneously and scream less then they do in these animes. You'd think that while he's fighting someone is giving him an acid enema.
Also, there's the 'human-animal' ones. Really, this is so genetically distrubing, I feel dirty TALKING about it.
Finally, you have the 'space' series. Usually featuring giant robots. But when it doesn't it's no less dumb. Really, the only anime I liked was Cowboy Bebop. Aside from Edward and Faie, humans in there were actually PROPORTIONATE without skulls shaped like rocks and eyes bigger then my fist. Even then that series sucked. You could watch six episodes and have the entire plot, because every OTHER episode was 100% unrelated to ANYTHING, and was always 'bitch and moan about being hungry, puch random buttons on computer, find guy, chase guy, fire guns, guy gets killed, bitch and moan about being hungry'.
What was another one, Outlaw Star? Really now, let's put naked women into massive tanks like some voyeristic peep show. Then I'll team up with some prick who still wears a :Ding kimono and carries a katana around with him. Then I'll program something equivilent to Hal 9000 into my ship that speaks to me with a radar blip. Then we can blast off into space and accomplish a ton of crap no one really cares about.
So what else? I've heard some people like Japan for it's 'honor' culture and history. Okay, the ONLY reason you like Japanese history is because you get a rise watching some guy in goofy looking armor swing a sword around while screaming gibberish. What was Japanese history? See, about twelve billion years ago, they set up castes, with the Samurai up top, then the farmers, then the peasents, then the merchants. Flash forward eleven billion 999 million, 999 thousand, 800 years. The castes fell apart, the Samurai cried like girls, and probably shoved frisbees down their throats. The end.
Honor? Really now, honor gets you nothing. I the twelve billion years of japanese rule, they STILL controlled those same useless pointy rocks, pretty much because no one else was stupid enough to want them for themsleves. I'm sure even the Russians looked at them and laughed. Really, if you like the Japanese ideal of honor so much, why don't you go kill your neighbor or some crap, tell the cops you were defending his family pride. I'm sure that'll go over REAL well.
I've even heard some people like how the language sounds and looks. Do you know that the English language is almost entirely naturally made up of stressed sounds and unstressed sounds alternating? Really, the language in that regard is quite poetic. Japanese doesn't have that. "Anatachi ni wa anshin." It's a :Ding chore to say that, simply because it combines stressed sounds in a row.
You like how it LOOKS? If you put down two hundred kindergartners with paper and magic markers, eventually they'd make the entire japanese language. Take line. Make an 'H' shape. Draw little lines off the side like a christmas tree. Ten minutes later, you've written out the word 'the'. Now do it again, but put a dot over it. Now you've said 'end'. Or something. Really, no one gives a flying f*ck, weather or not you can speak the language, I just pray that in your mid-40's you look back and realize how you wasted ten years of your life with some perverse fascination for a country that really, no one cares about anyway. They're like the French.
So what about Japanese food? Really, the only food people usually like is Sushi. And that's just seafood and rice. It's REALLY not that complex. Take rice. Pack into ball. Put wasabi on it. Lay fish on top. Serve. Do you know how much :Ding work it takes to make a rib roast? Rice? That's what they feed the poor fools on Survivor. That's what the Ethiopians are fed. So basically you're eating what the dirt poor eat, with a little piece of a raw fishstick on top, and paying out the ass for it. What else? You like that crap you get at the Asian Mart? Okay, those little bottles of poison with the marble in top? It's like drinking a mountain dew that's been sitting on the self for five days, after having eighty billion poorly made pixie sticks poured into it. THEN, remove ALL the flavor, feed it to a cow, and collect whatever comes out the other end, label it up, and sell it. Pocky? You know, I'm not eating ANYTHING that has
CHEESE SUBSTITUE in the ingredients for CHOCOLATE. Furthermore, what is it? It's a glorified chocolate covered pretzel. But naturally you have to pay EXTRA for the japanese characters and the terrifying little drawings of... animals that'd give children nightmares.
I have this little bag of terrifying crap my sister got from... somwhere. They're called 'Miaow Miaows' with little pictures of kitties for 'o's. Well, I think they're kitties. Anyway, you know what it is? 'Pea Snacks'. It's ground up :Ding peas, baked into a chip. First of all, cats are carnivores. They don't eat peas. Secondly, if I wanted peas, I'd go to the store and buy fifty of em for two dollars, not spend eight dollars on a big of crap that equates to roughly two air-baked peas.
What the hell is Japan going to do? The only weapons, the only military might they have is these horrible tentacle monsters that are, apparently, going to rape our women.
