-What does a farmer say when he lose's his tractor?
Where's my trator.
-Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
-Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was holding the dead moneky
- So a piece of string walks into a bar, goes to the bartender and ask's for a drink, bartender says sure, Later that night after a couple of rounds, the bartender calls in tabs. When he looks at the piece of string, the string replies that he has no money and can't pay for the drinks, so the bartender brings him out back and shows what he does to people who can't pay up, and advises the peice of string to never come back.
The next night a peice of string enters the bar, and ask for a drink and the bartender goes "Hey, you the same peice of string that came in here last night with no money?" and the string replies "No sir, Im afraid not."
(I love puns, car puns are the best, they can't be exausted. ha!"
- So the canadian army is having one of those training battles, and a soldier shows up with no guns or equipment, so he goes to the nearest office and says
"Sir, I don't have a weapon"
The officer looks at him, thinks for a second and says
"Stay here private"
The officer goes to a truck and pulls out a broom stick and hands it to the soldier while saying
"Here's your gun, whenever you want to shoot someone just say bangaty bang bang, and whenever you want to use the bayonet, say knifity knife knife"
So the soldier goes into the training battle, and totally owns everything he's unstoppable and takes everyone out. this goes on for a while until it's just him and another guy, so he looks at him and thinks easy shot, so he points his broom and says
"bangity bang bang"
but the other soldier keeps getting closer and dosn't slow down, so kind of confused, he shoots again
"bangity bang bang"
And still the other soldier is getting close, very close, the soldier is panicking so he tries to use his bayonet saying
"knifity knife knife"
Not a thing, then the other soldier gets right in front of him, and push's him down saying
"tankity tank tank"
Hat's off if you can remember all that
