relationship trouble

[DiscoZombie]

yeah, here comes the periodic relationship advice topic that really shouldn't be in a gaming forum but always seems to crop up. ;P

and the sad truth is I don't even know how to make myself look like the good guy.

my girlfriend is a decent guitarist, and she is just starting to play with a decent band - not one that just plays for fun in some garage, but one that's going to play famous clubs in NY and such.  the drummer was in a band that opened for no doubt, etc...

I'm having way too much trouble dealing with it.  logic dictates that I should be happy for her and supportive, but all I feel are negative things... the obvious ones like being threatened and jealous, for one thing... threatened because she doesn't have a history of being perfectly faithful, and her being in any sort of spotlight is more of an opportunity for her to screw me over... jealous because I don't do anything public like that... I used to want to be an actor, and I was pretty good at it, but I didn't pursue it because I was happy just to be with her instead...

which brings me to the third and biggest problem.  it's just a life goal thing... all I ever wanted was to be with her; when I found her I stopped wanting anything else but to start a family with her and be happy with her.  it really hurts me that she needs more than that.  I mean, I'm fine with her playing the guitar for fun with friends or whatever, we all have our hobbies, but she's taking it too far for me...

so yeah, I feel threatened, upstaged, marginalized... what would you guys do if you were me?  dump her and find someone with simpler wants and needs?  shut up and deal with it?  that's another thing - even if I COULD shut up and deal with it, I still wouldn't be happy about it, and I want her to be with someone who can be happy and proud about what she chooses to do with herself...

I love her a lot, and we've been through 6 years together, on and off... we've broken up over various things but always wind up back together... so if history says anything we'll probably still be together a month from now... but there HAVE been a lot of bad things in the relationship, and part of me says we should put the last nail in the coffin eventually, but we've never managed to do it...

I'm not a dumb guy and I'm definitely no chauvanist, but sometimes I wish I could just find a girl who's nice and quiet, who likes relaxed nights at home, going out with friends, etc, instead of one who feels the need to constantly be stirring up the muck on the bottom of this proverbial stream... and sometimes I feel she and I just stay together because we're scared of being alone...

[Diablus]

hmm my relationships with Vicky was hell as well. Shed always want to be the one in the spolight, center of attention. Except Vicky wouldnt tell other guys she'd meet she was with someone, so they obviously didnt know their limits so for all I knew she was cheating on me with college guys.

All in all it comes down to this. Unless you find the right one and you guys put a big equal amount into it..... relationships suck ass. HARD

I was also scared of being alone, so I never brought up any points of her downfals becuase shed take them too personally and I was worried that the relationship would end there.

I am alone now (gonna be 3 weeks this saturday) and though it's hard to get over a girl. I'm sure since your sick of it you won't be thinking about it too often.

But sometimes when I was with Vicky... I would remember the times when I was alone, just me and the boys, going to parties, drinking (which she made me stop doing) meeting new girls and people and having a ton of fun. Being alone sure does suck, but if the relationship isn;t worth it. Then it's time to say move on.


It will be tough. But before you "break things off" make sure you find 2-3 girls that you feel will be good and stable. (if your afriad of being alone)

and if you do find those girls, you could play the field for awhile until you feel its time 1 of them would be a great person of a relationship rather than the ass. Because quite frankly, getting ass is amazing and fun and prob the best thing on earth., But you need someone to care for you, be threre for you, love you, not just someone who would bang you because they think your hot. Unless your a filthy whore like Archi

and remember bud, if your not happy in it, then its not worth it. YOU need to be happy, you BOTH have to be happy. Or else its just faked emotions and your living like a phony. When you move on and find the right girl where you both are happy and not faking it... it'll be 100000 times better then staying and faking your emotions

[GrayDuck]

... and sometimes I feel she and I just stay together because we're scared of being alone...

I think this is an issue that faces a lot of couples, dating OR married.  Especially after 6 years, she's your 'normal' she's what you know.  She has become a part of your standard day to day life and it's scary to think about what life would be like without her.

I'm afraid that nobody can really help you.  You need to sort things out.  My opinion is that the above quoted reason is not a valid one to be together.  As years go on you'll grow farther and farther apart, even though you still may be "together".  In order for your relationship to work out it seems you'd both have to change quite a bit, and if both of you are willing to acknowledge that and make an effort, than great, best of luck.  But if even one of you isn't understanding and refuses to budge, I'd say start seriously considering ending the relationship.