Overly Chatty Penguins
The Ready Room => Off Topic => Topic started by: Niteowl on January 22, 2004, 10:44:16 PM
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seeing as i'm currently the oldest feller here, i figured i'd pass on some info i've learned about human relations. it's not even close to the be all and end all of how to meet and get along with ppl, but it something, at least, what the owly knows :)
i know there are studs and whatnot among y'all, please help the rest of the LMers out with yer knowledge.
soo, background:
i've had a few gfs.. uh.. 6. and now i'm married. so. i think i know something. at least, my record says im' not a hermit.
i've read a few books on the subject, so if you wanna read aboot it, just ask.
Totally Random Tips
-you were born with 2 ears and one mouth. use them in proportion. in other words, be a GOOD listener. talk about what she (i'll just assume you are hetero male, if you're not, change the pronouns as you see fit ;) ) likes, what interests her.
often it's about themselves. just go around tommorrow and notice how little ppl REALLY listen to each other. usually ppl are just waiting to get their word in edgewise. an old saying goes "Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours". now this isn't just a sorta empty listening. you ahve to pay attention, and actually find the person interesting. if you don't, then, well, you prolly don't wanna be with them do you :)
-watch the Tau of Steve, some of those tips are pretty good.
-smile often and cooly. that is, don't smile like a hyena 24/7, but don't be so stoic and like ice. most women like approachable fellas, and you can make that happen by not scowling.
-do things that interest YOU, and try and find someone who does it too. don't go to a Bougainvillea convention in the hopes of getting a hot chick, if you don't, in fact, like bougainvilleas.
-dont' pine after some chicky that has nothing in common with you, and is super duper hotter than you are. this is kinda common sense. just as you want her because she is hot, she too, will want someone who is hot. what goes around, comes around, and all that.
-be open, warm, and good natured. usually interests women more than scowling and brooding.
-laugh goodnaturedly at anything you would normally be embarassed about. acting embarassed about something is 99% of the embarassment.
-will postmore as it comes to me.
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Let's all practice hitting on Gem ;)
Hey Gem, how old are you?
18!? You're first!
(http://thedrunkenclam.com/wallpapers/quagmire-OHthumb.gif)
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Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy
aaaaalright
Please refrain from spam like this. Niteowl has had many a good thread ruined this way.
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Alllllllllll day Alllllll night
edit: I'm sure talking to them isn't a tip?
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You'd be surprised how many people just walk up to a girl and ask for a date. Or hem and haw about whether she'll say yes or not. Knowing who you're dating is definatly important thus it's not only a tip but a good one. If you don't want to talk you better be good looking and be after an extremely shallow girl or a nymphomaniac ^^ .
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lol, the listening one is pretty true... you'd be amazed at how much people love talking about themselves ^^
um tips? If you boys like a girl just go talk to her for crying out loud lol. lets face it, nobody is psychic so if you don't talk to them how will they ever know you exist? =3
Oh and here's the biggy; go out! you won't meet a heckload of people infront of a computer (barring net relationships which I've always been sceptical about ^^; ). Go join some clubs/societies, hit the arcades, go to the gym or swimming, check out meetings in your area and just generally get out and about. Nothing wrong with enjoying your PC, just don't make it your life huh? :)
Like owl said, being a nice person helps too but for most of you guys I'm hoping that part isn't a problem. Confidence helps too as long as it doesn't steep to arrogance =D
Don't wander about staring at the ground, hold your head up, smile at people and don't be afraid to make eye-contact. If you look away when your eyes touch with someone else's most people take that as a sign of disinterest unless... I dunno, you blush and smile while you're doing it XD
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Sorrry. Dont need tips for getting a date.
But heres one: Dress Well!!!!1111(and cut your hair *cough*)
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all sound advice.
i'd like to add something else tho. don't be nervous. it's okay to be a little nervous, but god, don't sit there and make a big deal out of talking to a girl. it's all in your head. you'll just end up sweating. it's not cool. they're just ppl. talk to em like you'd talk to a bud (well, you have to realize that she's a girl too.. you can't sit there and talk about manly stuff... but you'll be so busy listening that you won't have to worry about talking too much!)
oh yeah, and don't listen TOO much. you have to contribute to the conversation as well. girls like to talk, but when they run outta stuff to talk about, don't sit there and say nothing. make sure you participate. listening doesn't mean being a log that the girl is talking to.
that's my input!! ^^
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Niteowl, I very much agree with everything you have said. I'm 19, and I've had 2 gf's, (although I have been asked out more than that, but I was dating someone else). I dated my first gf for 1 year and 9 months. From what I have been told, that's quite a long time for a first gf. It took me a while to become really interested in one girl, but I had talked to her a lot before, and I liked what she enjoyed, so things went well. She actaully asked me out (I was too chicken to do it myself, but I'm not complaining *nudges all the girls*) My second girlfriend, I'm still working on heh. We have been going for a year and three months now. Unfortunately, she and I met in college at UNC Chapel-Hill. She is living in Charlotte, and I am living in Cary (about 2 hours away) which makes things difficult at times. Anyway, I have found both of my gf's through stuff that I like doing. First one, marching band, second in TaeKwonDo. In both cases, we have had pretty similar interests, although a few different, but that just makes it fun. You get to try new things that way.
Anyway, to all you lunixmonster forum posters, the advice that niteowl, gem, and the others have posted is pretty darn sound advice. Only thing I can add is to relax if you can. From my experience, girls don't like to be next to an edgy guy, if the girl you are dating makes you edgy when you are around her, and it has not gotten any better since you first started dating, then you might be better off finding someone you can relax and "be yourself" around.
Again, I can't say much about dating a guy, I have only dated girls, but being a guy, I can tell the females that are listening, that most guys, me too, have trouble even walking up and talking to a girl. Most of us, I think, consider a lot of girls to be too "out of our league" in most cases. If you notice a guy that seems to be watching you, if you are interested, go ahead and walk up to him, and start talking. Most guys will be receptive to talking to you, specially if they are interested. I think that walking up to them and starting to talk boosts their confidence because you showed interest too.
Anyway, enough of my babeling. I would definatly consider what Niteowl and the others have said, they know what they are talking about, I've experienced a lot of it. If you have any questions, please IM me at "pepsihatman" or "portablepepsi" (which ever is on) or just post here, and I'll try and help. I like talking to people too, sometimes I get bored sitting here. I'm sure the others would be glad to give advice/listen also. Speaking of listening, thanks for listening to me and my ramble! Peace. :D
BTW, how old are you Niteowl? I am guessing late 20's at youngest, and 35 at the oldest. (nothing wrong with being older though!) ::)
--> David --> aka. --> .NmF. Screen
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check the age thread Screen :) lots of interesting info. like how old Isamil is :D. but yeah, hitting the big two eight in a few weeks.
oh, and nice points :)
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Another thing that's pretty important is cleanliness. Shower, shave, wash your hair, don't wear the same clothes five days in a row, etc. Girls put stock into appearances too, and this is one area some people tend to neglect.
And I'd like to put one more vote in for just telling them you're interested. You'll never get a yes or no if you don't ask in the first place.
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All pretty sound advice.
One thing i might add is my policy of dating.
Don't go out looking to hook up with someone, if you don't then you end up disappointed. Just go out, have a good time, talk to new people (ANY people), get to know some new faces and just act like yourself.
None of my previous girlfriends / boyfriends i've met through going out specifically to hook up, i've just gone out, got talking to new people and through seeing them at local clubs or pubs i get to know them more and more, until eventually i ask them if they wanna go see a movie or whatever.
Enjoy life, don't wallow on "the fish that got away" just have fun and meet new people, eventually you won't have to look, they'll find you.
And by the way, i am generally an introvert and can be quite anti-social, but still even i have no problems with meeting new people.
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Too true. Spend those teen years out socializing. Get to know people, hang out, meet their friends, meet more people through them, and so forth. Eventually you'll meet someone that clicks well with you, and you let things move at their own pace.
Don't settle too quickly for the first person that comes along, and don't believe that you're in looooove just because you like someone and they like you. That leads to a string of painful relationships. Be friends, just chill. If something worthwhile is going to happen, you won't be able to force it, only ruin it.
Don't spend all your time playing games or browsing forums or chatting in IRC! There's plenty of time for that once you've hooked a woman and settled down. Then you just have to keep her from drop kicking you out the window because you won't get off the computer!
Alternately, for the completely hopeless, there's always rohypnol.
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and allso, dont fall into stereotypes, or expect them from others...
not to toot my own horn, but im a moderately talented poet (im published, so take what you will from that) yet, girls dont go "gaga" just cause your a poet... you gotta be kind, a good listener, and genuinely care about the persons feelings. If you go out and are insensitive to the other person, your first date will be your last..
of course, this is all from observation, I'm 18 and still no GF :/ oh well, more time for writing and NS!!
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A poet? Ooooh!
Get thee to forum 14 (http://www.lunixmonster.org/forums/index.php?showforum=14), stat! We need more creativity at work around these parts.
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done, bob
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-be confident, but not cocky
-be generous to others (ideally, all the time) but especially in front of the object of your affection (OOYA). that is, try to put ppl up, as opposed to down. don't harangue someone cuz they don't know .. i dunno, the latest engine type in some pickup truck.
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And where we come from, knowing the size of the engine in your pickup truck is something you MUST know, just in case you get involved in a pickup-truck-engine-size discussion with your date! :)
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I dont have a truck.
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<--- Has truck.
<--- Doesnt know engine size.
<--- Cant imagine a girl who would care.
<--- lol
<--- :p
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I dont have a truck.
Get one!
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man, you guys are all spammorrific today :p
what i mean is, you get in a discussion with yer buddy,and the OOYA is around. don't hammer him will all these uber facts taht 'real' men should know, etc. don't make ppl look bad to make yourself look good, cuz it usually does the opposite.
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bump for deci
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Im probably never going to meet anybody , Constant bullying throught my whole school life has left me with 0 confidence and scared me away from school , no qualifications and afraid to go out of the house , my life is a waste.... :(
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yea, i found myself in an interesting predicament...
i decided i didnt want to bother with girls anymore, ive been troubled too much...hurt too many times...
So i decide im going to use my poetry skills to become an englsih major and join the peace corps, so i can teach it in some other country...far, far away from american girls, or any romantic thoughts.
a few of them asked what i was gonna do after college, and i told them, they told all their friends, and now they all want to talk to me...
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Im all depressed now....somebody cheer me up :( :(
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read some self help books, they might , well, help.
anything by Tony Robbins can have interesting tidbits
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
How to Win Friends and Influence People
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Also 'The Prince' by Machiavelli. >:D
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Thanks Niteowl, the real problem though is how do I actually get the chance to meet someone, being where I am. I really have no trouble making friends, female or male, I just don't ever meet anyone and I'm not the type to go out and party since the only parties around here are beer parties which I honestly find horribly boring. So uh, what does a guy do when he doesn't party, doesn't like clubs, goes to a college that has a 20-1 guy girl ratio, and is generally an introvert. Oh, and I live at home. :p
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if you're religious, join a church youth group
other things to join:
choir
some sort of art class
greenpeace
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oh yeah, and don't listen TOO much. you have to contribute to the conversation as well. girls like to talk, but when they run outta stuff to talk about, don't sit there and say nothing. make sure you participate. listening doesn't mean being a log that the girl is talking to.
that's my input!! ^^
The best way to contribute is usually if it has something to do with what was previously said - either inquiring further into something she might not have directly said, or your usual 'you know I used to do/have/whatever the same thing too...' kind of crap. If you do run out of things to say, look for things to do instead - especially at partys, where at some point the inebbriation status will switch from "Talkative" to "Will do anything". You should probably still do something harmless like uhm.. dance (Its a party/club/whatever, durr!) first, to test the waters :p
I used to be decent at it. But then you just get bored after a few hours, and can't be bothered anymore. And shockingly enough, they tend to notice. So these days when I do talk to women, its more often without the intent of facilitating me humping them. Depressing, no?
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WE LOVE YOU SONIC!
(http://tapis2souris.free.fr/objets/cookies.jpg)
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Im probably never going to meet anybody , Constant bullying throught my whole school life has left me with 0 confidence and scared me away from school , no qualifications and afraid to go out of the house , my life is a waste.... :(
And you whine about it on the off-topic forums of a maneating spacealien gameserver, you pathetic loser. Go sit in your dark basement and live at home til you rot and become a pizza-crust infested tub of lard that your parents check on once a month.
There, feeling better yet or need another helping of self-pity?
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And you whine about it on the off-topic forums of a maneating spacealien gameserver, you pathetic loser. Go sit in your dark basement and live at home til you rot and become a pizza-crust infested tub of lard that your parents check on once a month.
There, feeling better yet or need another helping of self-pity?
trying to be delightfully ironic/smart to a depressed teenangster, warning goes up.
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Alright, I'm a little late for this, but the best piece of advice I've ever heard is:
Be yourself. That's it.
Don't pretend to be someone you're not, don't try to change yourself just to meet someone, that's being rude to the girl.
The best thing to do is just wear what you want to wear. If you throw anything on that you feel comfortable in, keep doing that. If you like a certain type of style, do that. It doesn't matter. Even on dates, don't try to look really fancy. It makes it look like you're trying to impress her by being someone other than the person she likes.
If a girl doesn't like you for the way you are and the way you act, then she isn't worth your time. Relationships are about appreciating each other, not changing each other to fit exactly what you want. Yes, there are girls who will like you for who you are.
Another thing to remember... If you're not happy with yourself, that means you should fix whatever is making you unhappy. Overweight? Take steps to lose it. There are some things you can never change, but there are a lot of things that you can change until you're happy with yourself. I'm happy with myself, even though I'm a little overweight with hair that goes down to my waist and old, worn clothes. I'm comfortable like this and I don't care what anyone else thinks of me.
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Overweight? Take steps to lose it.
What about underweight? I can't gain fat olo :D
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Lack of bodyfat would make muscles define themselves quicker (visually), nothing that you'd have a problem with Fewpid :p
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Sorry my life hasnt been as good as yours saltz , want a cookie?
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The forum swear replacements turn hate into HAPPY!
Also, chill out my little monkeys. We don't need flamewars or bad things will happen.
I know it's hard not to fight over me, but there's enough Bob to go around!
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Once I discover a way to transport the bob that goes around ALL OF THE BOB WILL BE MINE!
*cackles in his dark cave*
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I know it's hard not to fight over me, but there's enough Bob to go around!
Only if we're happy with pieces that have already been sucked dry :(
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Lack of bodyfat would make muscles define themselves quicker (visually), nothing that you'd have a problem with Fewpid :p
Indeed. 184 cm, roughly 60 kg. That should tell you what kind of skinny bastard I am. And despite not really exercising at all, there's a sixpack visible. Why the thought of my own midriff as it would look if I'd exercise it doesn't arouse me I don't know, cuz it sure as hell should.
Oh. </boast>
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Im probably never going to meet anybody , Constant bullying throught my whole school life has left me with 0 confidence and scared me away from school , no qualifications and afraid to go out of the house , my life is a waste.... :(
That was my life up until about 4 years ago.
The solution? Move. And don't whine about your old life to your new friends, unless they ask.
You'll get along fine. And when you have friends of both sexes, you get some action periodically. It happens. Not entirely sure of the exact sequence of events, but it usually has something to do with being conveniently on the couch next to the moderately hot friend-of-a-friend (http://208.35.225.137/jrhodes/mhfoaf.jpg) who came over for movie night.
Don't (http://208.35.225.137/jrhodes/webcam.jpg) worry about (http://208.35.225.137/jrhodes/coffee.jpg) your looks (http://208.35.225.137/jrhodes/me1.gif). Everyone has standards, and odds are you're within someone's, and they're within yours.
Don't go emo. It's proven to attract some girls, true, but in most cases they're COMPLETELY FUGGING BONKERS. And the worst thing in the world is an angry, violent, vengeful Ex.
If you're an uber-geek like yours truly, know this: most girls don't care. And they don't want to hear you lord it over them with your knowledge or tell stories about the idiots you see while working tech support. So go see movies, talk about food, talk about tv. Talk about books, if she's that type and so are you.
That's all I've got for now.
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Well were moving on the 5th of may (not very far away , but its still a very nice house) ,
thing is , were moving in with my mums bf and his two sons and i dont even know them :blink:
I really should go and stay with my dad for a bit (viva espania!) , none of that crap over there :)
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Don't go emo.
Says the man in the jets to brazil shirt (http://208.35.225.137/jrhodes/me1.gif)...
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what the heck is 'going emo'? :blink:
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:o
You're the only person on the net evar who's recognized the shirt in that picture. Kudos.
But really, I'm a JTB fan because I'm a Jawbreaker fan.
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Yes Jawbreaker was awesome. JTB won with orange rhyming dictionary, but I think they've just been going downhill from there. :( /derail
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Again , what the heck is 'going emo'? :p
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You people scare me >:D
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Pretty sound advice drubo^^ , apart from the fact i have _no_ mates , 'cept you guys <3
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Well since i believe im the youngest one here, i dont think i have nothing to put in, but ive read through all of your advises, which i guess ill consider whenever ill need to get a Date or whatever.
And like U - 235 said, ill practice on Gem.
So Gem....You like Sleek South Americans that are descendants of the muscular Incan Gods?
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....You like Sleek South Americans that are descendants of the muscular Incan Gods?
I do! You can pick me up around 6ish on saturday. I like sushi and dancing so lets go do those!
<3
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Well since i believe im the youngest one here, ill practice on Gem.
Not a good idea. Gem's older than most of us here. And hitting on someone whose gender you're not sure of is just...
Oh, and by the way... *hands over his crown of funniness to AO*
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sushi!?!?!! eee!
~grabs AO and interlopes to a japanese restraunt~
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hi please take me along for sushi
sushi = <3
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sushi = raw fish stuffed in cucumber bits?
Chinese > japanese :p
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Well since i believe im the youngest one here, ill practice on Gem.
Not a good idea. Gem's older than most of us here. And hitting on someone whose gender you're not sure of is just...
Oh, and by the way... *hands over his crown of funniness to AO*
I did not say that.
And i was joking about Gem.
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Gem is either a bubbly 17 year old schoolgirl in a short skirt or a bubbly 71 year old man in a short skirt. Either way, I'm in for the sushi. When we leaving?
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As soon as you all take a plane here, i know a great sushi place .
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I may be a little late for this, but Sonic, I have a friend named Michael who was EXACTLY like you, excpet he hated everyone back too. He didn't have a SINGLE friend from 3rd grade all the way though 9th. Finally, I gave him a chance and eventually he learned to start respecting himself again.
Moral of the Story: Have faith in YOURSELF. If you know that you are a good person then I promise you will find friends. And of course you can always fall back on us. You know we can abuse just as much as any friend... :p