Overly Chatty Penguins

The Ready Room => Off Topic => Topic started by: X-S-Z on October 08, 2004, 09:10:50 PM

Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: X-S-Z on October 08, 2004, 09:10:50 PM
This is a letter from a commercial saturation diver in Louisiana.  He performs underwater repairs to offshore drilling rigs.  Below is his e-mail to his sister.  She sent it on to a radio station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana (Where I live) that was sponsoring a "worst job experience contest".  She won, and you'll see why.

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.  Last week I had a bad day at the office.  I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.  Before I tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.  As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.  I wear a suit to the office.  It's a wetsuit.  This time of year the water is quite cool.  So what we do to keep warm is this:  We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.  This is a $20,000 piece of equipment that sucks water out of the sea.  It heat it to a delightful temperature.  It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.  Now this sounds like a pretty good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.  What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit.  This floods my whole suit with warm water.  It's like working in a Jacuzzi.  Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.  So, of course, I scratched it.  This only made things worse.  Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn.  I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done,  In agony I realized what had happened.  The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my wetsuit.  Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.  However, the crack of my butt was not so fortunate.  When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.  I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.  His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.  Needless to say I aborted the dive.  I was instructed to make three agonizing in water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.  When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.  As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.  The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.  So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now, repeat to yourself, "I love my job!" over and over, really... do it.

 


:)
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: holy_devil on October 08, 2004, 09:16:50 PM
just damn.  :blink:  :help:  never going to hate my job now..
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Malevolent on October 08, 2004, 10:54:26 PM
Haha, that is hilarious. But it would suck having your ass swollen shut.
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Necrosis on October 09, 2004, 03:35:57 PM
Man, think of the spray tho when you tried to squeeze a log out.
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Satiagraha on October 09, 2004, 03:58:49 PM
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Man, think of the spray tho when you tried to squeeze a log out.
[snapback]30833[/snapback]
... I'd rather not ...

Nice, TAK. They just need a filter on their pump  :rolleyes:
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Dark on October 09, 2004, 05:08:24 PM
lol xsz though i actually got that in an email already B)
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Asal on October 09, 2004, 09:07:49 PM
That...sucks.....
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Grimm on October 10, 2004, 12:04:01 AM
That sounds bad, but it doesn't sound like the worst that could happen.
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: lolfighter on October 10, 2004, 07:48:02 AM
No, a woman could cut off your *ahem* business while you sleep and toss it out the window of a moving car.

Ten points for whoever gets that reference.
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Dark on October 10, 2004, 08:23:55 AM
the john bobbit senario i see

anyways lf you are right it can't get much worse than that
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Grimm on October 10, 2004, 11:06:34 AM
That would be pretty bad, although that doesn't quite follow the "Worst work experience" theme.  :p
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: lolfighter on October 10, 2004, 11:14:26 AM
Depends on what your work is. o_O
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Grimm on October 10, 2004, 11:24:15 AM
Well if I can get payed for sleeping, sign me up.  :D
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: lolfighter on October 10, 2004, 11:29:43 AM
Even if a woman will cut off your *ahem* business while you sleep and toss it out the window of a moving car?
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Niteowl on October 10, 2004, 12:17:43 PM
http://www.worstjob.com/ (http://www.worstjob.com/)

i'm sure you can find SOME gems in there that are a bit worse than the jelly fish incident.
Title: Ever Hate Your Job?
Post by: Uranium - 235 on October 10, 2004, 04:14:58 PM
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SEEING EYE PERSON.  You go to school for about a year - then you get assigned to a blind dog.  Just as I was getting used to my job and thinking it wasn't so bad ... I found out the worst part of the job.  If the dog dies they will have to put me down :(